Who I am.

insight eighty i can't even deny it. i am obsessed with you. it's like a wave of emotion has washed over me, and i see how much i have fallen for you, how much i have fallen flat on my face for you. im obsessed with the way you look at me when i smile, your eyes dead set on my lips as i tease you. im obsessed with the way you hold me tight, and wrap your arms around me, keeping me close. im obsessed with your face when you're resting, sleeping so pure and precious. im obsessed with your touch and your hands tracing on my back, your fingertips so light and smooth. im obsessed with your laugh when i say something stupid, sighing in disappointment but still smiling in love. im obsessed with the way you make me feel and the support you give me, holding me and letting me ramble about everything in my head, not wavering when my voices cracks in near-set tears. im obsessed with everything you : your life, your family, your hobbies, your dislikes - i want to know it all and more....

insight seventythree May 28th - guarded strings i don't know how, but you did. you carved into my chest like a daisy's root into soil. the tender tears of slow devotion  that left a certain mark, or  scar in the place of my pulse. you managed to curve around my ribs so elegantly and unseen. as if the internal darkness shadowed your every move, every footstep as you reached out beyond the expanding breaths, further from the light of day. i let my guards down so easily their strong bones and large inhales parted for only your inspection. within a lengthy exhale, you meander  towards my heart strings, the vulnerable part of mine. maybe i know how you did it, a method so complex it took years to perfect. but as soon as disaster strikes, i feel your warmth within my heart, the beating place of daisy's; the scared place you call home. 

insight thirtysix I've fucked up. I've fucked up so bad it hurts. I told you so I told you I'm a horrible person, that I put people down, make them unhappy. I'm poison, I'm a waste, I'm not worth it. but you. you've given me something to live for. you've given me that star of hope hope that everything will be okay that I have to live on. but as I said I've fucked up. I've been horrible without meaning to, and now I feel more guilt than ever. all I want is me and you to work, to be happy, to be together. and as I lie in bed rocking back and forth screaming into my pillow tearing flooding down my cheeks I know I can't deal with life without you I can't live life without one hug off you that makes me feel warm I can't live without your amazing smile and laugh that brightens up any day. I can't live without your warm lips on my cheek as we laugh in the garden about who knows what. i can't live without you. ...

insight twentyfive oh fuck it's bad. so so bad. i am addicted and i don't think there's a cure im addicted to your taste, your lips connecting with mine, soft then all at once. the subtle warmth of your hands that trail up and down my back, skin naked to your touch. i crave your strong shoulders that mould around my arms, allowing me to bury my head into your chest as i laugh. i miss your smile, the blushing of your cheeks as you say something most adorable with your hair flopping the wrong way. i want your body next to mine, the urge to be within a noses touch, the knowing that you're there, even when i am sleeping. i need your laugh, the different genuine laugh you do around me, the one i crave the most. im addicted to your scent, the same smell i can identify anywhere, the scent that envelopes my lungs as i squeeze you tight against my face. i need your hands, your big rough hands that draw spirals on my skin, relaxing me into a calm dream of empty though...

insight twenty these past two days have been some of my happiest. spending them with the best human on earth. just laughing and cuddling. making me forget everything. each kiss clearing my mind, making all my issues a thing of the past. just lying with him, being within his arms, feeling his warm with his heart beating softly against my ear, it's the best way to fall asleep. a sleep without a nightmare, he protects me, even throughout my rest. the clingy longing for him after he's gone, the hugs I miss so dearly when he's not by my side. our laughs and smiles that I treasure so close, the cute smile and giggle he does when I tickle his sides, the pure happiness that is shown, makes me feel a loving warmth within me, that grows like a flower, making my whole body lift with joy, with a short period of relief from the normal me. there are so many words to describe him, but none of them would fit perfectly. he is perfect. a super human that understands and doesn't at th...

insight eighteen love is something hard to define. a combination of positive emotions, pulling you towards a person whilst you laugh together, smiling in perfect happiness. i can only describe it as a chain, a long chain connecting you to that person, a strong feeling inside, a feeling of belonging when you are in their company. a tugging at your thought when you're alone, a need to see their face and feel there warmth. love. noun ~ a strong feeling of affection verb ~ to feel deep affection or sexual desire i don't think strong isn't the word. a feeling of adoration towards someone, it's like the blooming of flowers within your chest, a happiness that can only be achieved around that person, a subtle heat within your hands, where you crave their hand to be. even hearing their name catches all your attention, and the smallest things they do will make your love grow even more. being around them releases your worries, and makes your mind fill with goodness and ...

insight seventeen so today has been a good day. you can probably guess why. i spent the whole day with my favourite human. and on a scale of 1 to 10, he makes me an infinite amount of happy. just being with him, within his arms, makes me one of the happiest beings alive. he is sleeping now, and i bet he looks so darn cute, but i wish his name would pop up on my phone, just so i could see his face one more time before i fall into a deep dream of him. even if i close my eyes, i can still picture his beautiful eyes staring at me and smiling as i brush my fingers through his floppy brown hair. i wish i could be with him always, he just seems to change me, make me so much happier than i would be without. he almost imprints the smile onto my face and doesn't let it drop unless he bullies me about my small hands or if he pushes me off the sofa. sometimes i just stare, and take in all that he is. the beautiful being of amazingness. his cute little smile and shyness when he says somethin...

insight sixteen oh gosh how i love him, the way he laughs and then smiles at me, the way his hair flops and brushes through my fingers, the colours of his eyes when they look into mine, the funny nature he has and the caring character he hides from everyone else. his protectiveness over family and how much he cares, its the sweetest thing that i know. the time i spend with him is my favourite time of any week, the time we can spend alone together, just sitting, watching the sun set, talking about anything and everything. oh gosh how i miss him, how i miss his touch, how i miss his hugs, the warmth of his cheeks against my shoulder. i miss his presence, that instantly boosts me up from my normal pit of despair. i miss his everything, and i miss his kiss. oh gosh how amazing he is. a person who is so simple yet complex that sometimes i laugh at how much his personality differentiates. the funny, joking character he plays at school is nothing compared to the person he is ar...

insight nine  its late at night. too late. i should be amongst the counting sheep by now. people who are awake when only the stars are singing are alone, in love or on the other side of the world. if you're the first two at the same time... you're fucked. if you care or not, i had a good day today. but then as always my mood drops and happiness escapes me like a mole burrowing away from the sun. but the man behind my happiness is always there. late at night i think of him. his deep brown eyes swallowing me into a deep dream. his matching brown hair, almost effortlessly flopped over one eyebrow, a perfect softness to twist my fingers through. the black rims of his glasses shining against the light, making the dorky but cute impression arise. the smile that can lift my sorrows up in an instant creeps out as he catches me staring at his wonderful features. biting my lip, i lay my head down softly on his shoulder, wishing these moments would never en...

insight six  it's late at night. 1 am to be precise. everyone is sleeping, everything is quiet. it feels eerie and unnatural. but then again, it is the early night of a new day. 1:02 thinking of you 1:03 I miss you 1:04 I want you 1:05 I love you 1:06 thinking of love 1:07 hating it too 1:08...  too tired to open my eyes, but my brains awake with you. thoughts run in my mind, not telling me sleep. keeping me from thinking of anything else. needing your embrace due to a broken heater. needing that comfort I desire most late at night. nights like these where I need your calm words. loving voice and warm hands. feeling sick with the fact I haven't eaten. feeling lonely with the fact that you aren't here beside me. with your brown floppy hair and your dusky brown eyes. with your cheesy smile and contagious laugh. I'm lonely without the love I don't know how to feel. lonely without the trust I don't rely on. lonely without the lover in my life that keeps me...