Who I am.

insight fiftythree there's a lot of things going on right now. in my head i mean. my life isn't a lot of things, very slow motion rain and black a white music. ... let me set the scene... a candle flickers beside me, close enough so i can feel the heat but not burning my hair black. music rings through my headphones, Supermarket flowers singing my emotions in a comforting sort of way. my phone to the right of my laptop flashes with a notification from a heart breaker, whom for some reason wants to communicate with me. to my left is the rain, trickling slowly down my window, blurring the clouds and bricks together, a typical English autumn day. I've been watching this series, Doctor Foster on BBC. the final episode touched my heart, in a eye opening way. the parents of a young boy, Tom, were fighting and he went through an emotional turmoil of negative feelings. they didn't notice. but i did. i know it's all made up, but i noticed. the pale skin, the sleepless ...

insight fiftytwo                    enjoy a lil' memo i wrote whilst mid-breakdown own habits tapping me insane a prisoner within my own self my past guarding it shut inside tears slide for the torture of my own problems, failures, illness understanding? no i escape to any world with the boy who i love? cuddles with laughter, love? when sat on my sheets arm around waist though my tears slide he says hey, it'll be okay then he fades away and it's dark whilst im still sat on my sheets hey, it'll be okay voice cracking through lie hey, it'll be just fine i promise i'll be here for you he said but then he left phaha i dunno also, i got some of these blogs on a website thing... pretty cool... here they are... https://iam1in4.com/2017/09/effects-of-grief/ https://iam1in4.com/2017/09/a-toxic-relationship/ https://iam1in4.com/2017/09/feeling-empty-an-empty-poem/ https://iam1in4.com/2017/09/at-the-worst/ 👎 ...

insight fortyseven i ready for my shower: marshmallow wash on the side; hair products beside it; mint green scrub to wash my legs; towels sprawled over the radiator; moisturiser propped on the washing basket. stripping my travel clothes, i pull out my ratty hair and observe the misted reflection i see in the shower window. studying my body up and down, i mentally name all the flaws that i can spot... and that's a lot. chipped nail varnish on the tips of my toes fading grey scar on the left foot stubbly legs with uneven tanning multiple scars on the thighs fat thighs at that hips too wide butt weirdly big scars circling my stomach and sides fat torso huge chest with stretch marks very bad tan lines little moles on shoulders too broad shoulders white dots on my arms burn scars on my hands fat stubby hands spot scars on face weird eye colour too large lips small ears odd eyebrows ratty hair dye fading dark tired circles around eyes bags under eyes graduall...