Who I am.

insight twelve I miss you. I miss you when I'm standing alone listening to my music at the bus stop. I miss you when we are in the field. I miss you in Maths with my bumpy ruler. I miss you sending me Korean memes. I miss the holding hands, your small little hands. I miss everything that I could've said to you. I miss me. I miss the old me. I miss the happiness and the no worries. I miss the wanting to live or having the effort to. I miss sleeping, looking in the mirror and enjoying what I saw. I miss being so indulged in school that I don't need to worry about my grades. I miss being a person that I enjoyed. I miss having perfect skin and unscared limbs. I miss being someone I knew someone could love. I would miss you if you left. I would miss the laugh. I would miss the YouTube references you made. I would miss the random chats. I would miss the cute nicknames. I would miss the Trust we had. I would miss you. I don't want to miss you. I miss us. I miss the way...

insight ten where do i begin. the stupid mistakes of my past have made me who i am. for the worse i may add. the blind me of the past that couldn't see what was right in front of her. imagine me screaming, crying, looking into a mirror and shouting all of this at myself, trying to punish my reflection for being so weak. why. why did i stay. you played me from the fucking start and you ruined my faith in love. why. i hate you so much and i hope you get hurt so bad you feel as shit as i do because of a lying girlfriend that rips your heart to shreds. no one will heal these wounds you've pressed into my mind. the bullshit you told me about being trustworthy was about as true as trumps speeches. you are poison and i hope someone cleanses you. you're such a shitty person, you've made me not trust anyone, my boyfriend or any friend. you have made me paranoid that he will cheat and break my heart when i know damn well he's the most perfect thing that i have in my life. y...

insight one  you know what, love is horrible. loving someone, giving them your heart and then have them rip it up and betray you like you were nothing. leaving you and them to suffer. or just you. bad relationships are toxic. keeping you in only to be hurt and made cry. so addicted to your lover that you cant see how poisonous they are. that is the worst type of love. the love that traps you, that suffocates you with lies. the love that keeps you wrapped up in untrue thoughts. the love that blinds you from how nasty the other person is, and makes you believe that they are 'the one'. its the worst. being in an unhealthy relationship. its depressing. it puts you in a position where you have to change. break their heart to save your own. but the hurt still carries with you, the cheating pain that dissolves your faith in romance for months on end. the lack of desire in your heart crushes any chance of you believing someone when they say 'i love you'. destroys any trust...