Who I am.

insight sixteen oh gosh how i love him, the way he laughs and then smiles at me, the way his hair flops and brushes through my fingers, the colours of his eyes when they look into mine, the funny nature he has and the caring character he hides from everyone else. his protectiveness over family and how much he cares, its the sweetest thing that i know. the time i spend with him is my favourite time of any week, the time we can spend alone together, just sitting, watching the sun set, talking about anything and everything. oh gosh how i miss him, how i miss his touch, how i miss his hugs, the warmth of his cheeks against my shoulder. i miss his presence, that instantly boosts me up from my normal pit of despair. i miss his everything, and i miss his kiss. oh gosh how amazing he is. a person who is so simple yet complex that sometimes i laugh at how much his personality differentiates. the funny, joking character he plays at school is nothing compared to the person he is ar...

insight fifteen there are so many things flying in my mind, crashing against my skull creating a constant migraine of pain and exhaustion. so many questions swaying on my shoulders, dragging me down lower and lower throughout the day. so many voices telling me things that i believe and know to be true. no one actually cares about me, no one actually gives a shit. they don't care if im stood there or just sat inside sorting out someone else's issue. if im there to give advice and help them then that's good for them. all i am is a toy, played with then dropped on the shelf and left for a while till someone takes a fancy and plays with my feelings, then puts me back again on the shelf, just to sit and take a long look at all the happy couples and friends laughing around, not caring where the toy had disappeared to. its consuming me, and it doesn't take a fool to know how hard im trying not to have a break down in the middle of school. it's getting worse, and i fucki...

insight six  it's late at night. 1 am to be precise. everyone is sleeping, everything is quiet. it feels eerie and unnatural. but then again, it is the early night of a new day. 1:02 thinking of you 1:03 I miss you 1:04 I want you 1:05 I love you 1:06 thinking of love 1:07 hating it too 1:08...  too tired to open my eyes, but my brains awake with you. thoughts run in my mind, not telling me sleep. keeping me from thinking of anything else. needing your embrace due to a broken heater. needing that comfort I desire most late at night. nights like these where I need your calm words. loving voice and warm hands. feeling sick with the fact I haven't eaten. feeling lonely with the fact that you aren't here beside me. with your brown floppy hair and your dusky brown eyes. with your cheesy smile and contagious laugh. I'm lonely without the love I don't know how to feel. lonely without the trust I don't rely on. lonely without the lover in my life that keeps me...