Who I am.

insight sixtynine all written events are true and to factual correlation. dear him/you/whoever can relate to this, ... wrap your body around my brain for a while, and maybe you'll understand... a door closes shut, and i sigh, but not out of sorrow, well i guess you could say sadness from an escaping happiness driving down the street. i make my way back to my room, counting the steps as i go. thirteen. i fall back onto my bed, a huge smile growing on my face. his scent lies on my pillows and i hold one tight to my chest. i laugh, a small muffle because of my smitten obsession with these hours of fun. closing my eyes, i bite my lip, trying to rid of the smile that is everlasting throughout thoughts of only minutes ago, a feeling of want and need for those moments fills my gushing mind. its been a yellow day: amazing/very happy, i colour in my mood, and smile. the nerves i felt for this one day all fluttered away with the butterflies from my stomach. its astonishing, amazi...

insight thirtyfour do you ever just not feel? inside your body, your mind feels empty. the numb, lifeless fingertips tracing along the temples of your skull, trying to rid of the headache that has come from feeling empty. thoughtless brain pulsing to your heart, slowing as your breath subsides, completely empty. the mirror reflection staring you down, the pupils so dead as if they had no existence obtained them in their sockets, as if the lungs and veins were entirely empty. thick blood lines trailing through the white just touching the dull grey iris, the sleepless exhaustion making you feel empty. the emotionless voice that disintegrates into a silent whisper, mute and alone but you're supposed to be happy, even when that happy is horribly empty. birds bicker and children argue, noises amplified by the hollowness of your skeleton, everything become an ache, your interior utterly empty. the knowing of homework piled beside your desk, but your body too tired to...

insight twentyfive oh fuck it's bad. so so bad. i am addicted and i don't think there's a cure im addicted to your taste, your lips connecting with mine, soft then all at once. the subtle warmth of your hands that trail up and down my back, skin naked to your touch. i crave your strong shoulders that mould around my arms, allowing me to bury my head into your chest as i laugh. i miss your smile, the blushing of your cheeks as you say something most adorable with your hair flopping the wrong way. i want your body next to mine, the urge to be within a noses touch, the knowing that you're there, even when i am sleeping. i need your laugh, the different genuine laugh you do around me, the one i crave the most. im addicted to your scent, the same smell i can identify anywhere, the scent that envelopes my lungs as i squeeze you tight against my face. i need your hands, your big rough hands that draw spirals on my skin, relaxing me into a calm dream of empty though...

insight seventeen so today has been a good day. you can probably guess why. i spent the whole day with my favourite human. and on a scale of 1 to 10, he makes me an infinite amount of happy. just being with him, within his arms, makes me one of the happiest beings alive. he is sleeping now, and i bet he looks so darn cute, but i wish his name would pop up on my phone, just so i could see his face one more time before i fall into a deep dream of him. even if i close my eyes, i can still picture his beautiful eyes staring at me and smiling as i brush my fingers through his floppy brown hair. i wish i could be with him always, he just seems to change me, make me so much happier than i would be without. he almost imprints the smile onto my face and doesn't let it drop unless he bullies me about my small hands or if he pushes me off the sofa. sometimes i just stare, and take in all that he is. the beautiful being of amazingness. his cute little smile and shyness when he says somethin...