who i am.

insight sixty  i get these flashes in my mind, daily i might add. like lightening they pop up, and disappear before i can completely process the happen, but long enough for me to understand it. they are never happy smile and laughter, always the negative memories i am trying to shove to the back of my head. flash a time of romance, happiness flourishing but then his hand is on my thigh and my body freezes in fear, shock, and maybe even guilt. flash curled up in the crispy green sheets, creases smoothed with tears of utter sorrow, screaming into the covers that may actually understand what i mean. flash the call ends in slow motion, surroundings blurring to the floor. a single tear falls for the fallen friend. flash stomach tight, teacher screaming loud, breathing shallow and tense. not now, not now. flash shouting rings around the hallway, a single bruise and a million words. what did i do so wrong? flash nobody knows. nobody knows.

insight fiftynine my fingers itch to write, see the words pace across the screen and then read the beauty that i have produced, even when the entire world around me is crashing to its knees. today. today has been a bad day. stomach raging like a screaming child, ears ringing with sounds of students knocking me into walls as i amble towards a new end, eyes drooping with lack of sleep but a raw energy makes me want to sing, dance and do more things than i ever can imagine on a good day. i feel drunk, but i know i haven't had a drop of alcohol in the past 2 days and 4 hours. i feel drunk a lot, days at school or just walking to the bathroom at 3am, when reading an indulging book i just can't put down. i feel the sway of the world, words jittering on a page, head pounding in anger, unsure of it's surroundings. leaning for a wall of support, my steps stumble noticeably but habit, losing my balance in thin air like the puppet master dropped his strings. misspelt words and tange