Who I am.

insight fiftyfive For 5 days of this week I travelled around Iceland, exploring and conquering fears whilst admiring the picturesque scenery. I also kept a diary and here it is... day one - 16.10.17 8am and the coach is packed, music blares from tangled headphones and happy children excite over the upcoming "fieldtrip" to the small cold country of Iceland. not caring about the lengthy travel ahead, she and i sang a duet from High School musical and consumed sugary delights to the point of a dancing high. Airport looming over head, the constant chatter and security guards made the mood less enjoyable. seated on the plane with a chicken wrap and coffee in hand, the houses disappeared into a satisfying cloudy mess that rose above any problems left behind. storm brewing behind, other flights are cancelled to areas affected, luckily we flew right into the cold winds of Iceland without any issues expect only finding the colouring books 10 minutes before landing. after a tire...

insight fifty 2nd holiday... same old camera... daily writing... whilst in Gisburn, West Yorkshire... 28th August 2017 the art of a new day dawns pink wakening sun blue surprises spread within cloud grey headphones blast calm red top hanging down black thoughts settling in (well that was shit... shitty day) 29th August 2017 tomorrow i recognise every detail details one wants never showing all details details everyone always disguises (ooh secret message... ooh bad day) 30 th August 2017 crisp white sheets twisted round tired eyes squinting in the peeking sun from curtains closed flat white duvet welcomes and fluffy socks warm whilst howls hoot in trees (sleepy day...) 31 th August 2017 separated by emotion or by mental happiness it could be stability divide by a smile or a pair of tired eyes unfair rules without trust unfair happiness throughout the mind (more arguments... fuck sake) 1st...

insight thirtyeight break ups. they suck, they really really suck. for most people its the stereotypical few days crying into four tubs of cookie dough ice cream then getting drunk and making out with some dude who you have forgotten the name of. for me, its not the same. yes i have done the sitting in the shower with the water on my back whilst crying thing, that happened. but the rest of the time has been different. i sat in my room and cried to hours straight over nothing but our converstaion on snapchat, a few printed photos i removed from my wall and some sad songs from a playlist. as much as drank i let out, and when you say you knew it would hurt me, i don't know how you could expect it not to. i have spent my time preparing for this, yet i wasn't prepared for myself, the way i am, or the way i might become. I've disconnected from people, and when i laugh i just go back to my normal numb mood within seconds. the happiness, the emotion of happiness has been ripped ...