Who I am.

insight thirtynine Dear my love, i hope you're not too warm up there, maybe wear sun cream in case you burn your pale skin. i have been thinking of you, a lot recently. i sit next to you in geography, can you imagine us pair every lesson... sir would go mad?! i chewed on some chewing gum today, mint flavoured and i remember how you used to sneeze each time you smelt mint, a cute high pitched sneeze every time. school has change, time goes on but i guess everyone has changed. we have welcomed a new member to our friend group, i hope you laugh with us. she's a phan member so im sure you can make an exception. our friend, our squish, has been struggling a lot, her anxiety is through the roof and i just want to roll her up in bubble wrap so she's safe forever. don't blame yourself, she is missing you as are we all. it's surprising how things can change in 17 weeks and 14 days, 133 days. i have lost the love of my life over my stupid mental health, you could've l...

insight thirtysix I've fucked up. I've fucked up so bad it hurts. I told you so I told you I'm a horrible person, that I put people down, make them unhappy. I'm poison, I'm a waste, I'm not worth it. but you. you've given me something to live for. you've given me that star of hope hope that everything will be okay that I have to live on. but as I said I've fucked up. I've been horrible without meaning to, and now I feel more guilt than ever. all I want is me and you to work, to be happy, to be together. and as I lie in bed rocking back and forth screaming into my pillow tearing flooding down my cheeks I know I can't deal with life without you I can't live life without one hug off you that makes me feel warm I can't live without your amazing smile and laugh that brightens up any day. I can't live without your warm lips on my cheek as we laugh in the garden about who knows what. i can't live without you. ...