Who I am.

insight thirtyfive i sit on the corner of the white washing basket, listening to the shower spray against the glass curtain beside my head, water flowing from cold to warm. minutes pass and i slowly take off my clothes, fabric falling to the floor as it reveals my tan lined skin, pale in the places i wish to hide. hands over my chest i observe my figure in the mirror, peering down at the hourglass curves in disgust. a slight burning pinches my skin as my toes edge under the shower head, the ocean of pain relief flowing over my shoulders. rinsing the almond bubbles out of my tangled hair, i hum the melody to a sad song i have listened to on my phone, each lyric burning my eyes into a teary mess. digging my nails into my skin, i rip at the insecurities and imperfections that scatter all over my being, skin tearing and bleeding onto the floor below. light darkening as the sun dips behind the tree, the shower water burns red upon my shoulders, my head hug in the bird song silenc...

insight twentyseven "you seem quiet today" why do you take such concern when i show a glimpse of what i feel like? "have you fallen out with someone?" just because i have paragraphs of writing upon my phone screen does not mean an argument, im getting help from a friend, about things a should talk to a professional about. "have you had lunch?" you know im going to say yes, even when my stomach is churning air. "what's up?" everything. 👽

insight fifteen there are so many things flying in my mind, crashing against my skull creating a constant migraine of pain and exhaustion. so many questions swaying on my shoulders, dragging me down lower and lower throughout the day. so many voices telling me things that i believe and know to be true. no one actually cares about me, no one actually gives a shit. they don't care if im stood there or just sat inside sorting out someone else's issue. if im there to give advice and help them then that's good for them. all i am is a toy, played with then dropped on the shelf and left for a while till someone takes a fancy and plays with my feelings, then puts me back again on the shelf, just to sit and take a long look at all the happy couples and friends laughing around, not caring where the toy had disappeared to. its consuming me, and it doesn't take a fool to know how hard im trying not to have a break down in the middle of school. it's getting worse, and i fucki...

insight fourteen Existence noun - the fact or state of living or having objective reality why do I exist? why do I keep in existing? what the point? i can't sleep. i don't want to eat. my head bangs like sea into a wall. my body aches constantly. my shoulders heavy from exhausted lies. w hy do I try to continue? done adje ctive - no longer happening or existing ⛔