Who I am.

insight thirtysix I've fucked up. I've fucked up so bad it hurts. I told you so I told you I'm a horrible person, that I put people down, make them unhappy. I'm poison, I'm a waste, I'm not worth it. but you. you've given me something to live for. you've given me that star of hope hope that everything will be okay that I have to live on. but as I said I've fucked up. I've been horrible without meaning to, and now I feel more guilt than ever. all I want is me and you to work, to be happy, to be together. and as I lie in bed rocking back and forth screaming into my pillow tearing flooding down my cheeks I know I can't deal with life without you I can't live life without one hug off you that makes me feel warm I can't live without your amazing smile and laugh that brightens up any day. I can't live without your warm lips on my cheek as we laugh in the garden about who knows what. i can't live without you. ...

insight thirtyfour do you ever just not feel? inside your body, your mind feels empty. the numb, lifeless fingertips tracing along the temples of your skull, trying to rid of the headache that has come from feeling empty. thoughtless brain pulsing to your heart, slowing as your breath subsides, completely empty. the mirror reflection staring you down, the pupils so dead as if they had no existence obtained them in their sockets, as if the lungs and veins were entirely empty. thick blood lines trailing through the white just touching the dull grey iris, the sleepless exhaustion making you feel empty. the emotionless voice that disintegrates into a silent whisper, mute and alone but you're supposed to be happy, even when that happy is horribly empty. birds bicker and children argue, noises amplified by the hollowness of your skeleton, everything become an ache, your interior utterly empty. the knowing of homework piled beside your desk, but your body too tired to...