who i am.

insight fiftyseven throughout my life i have kept many diaries, and after reading my most recent one, i want to punch my past self square in the face. after doing so my hand hurts, but i thought to make my life into a sort of poem. here is 509 days of my life - April 11th 2016 to September 1st 2017. 43977600 seconds, 732960 minutes, 12216 hours or 72.71 weeks of my life given to you in single sentence insights. a journal, not a diary because it sounds too childish today was actually a fairly good day finally on track to being 100% happy he said he felt worthless but i made it better today was utterly shit, low emotion but smiling. cba to talk sorry i didn't see him, i miss him i haven't smiled this much in a while he actually loves me, for me friends are just okay so much drama going on i slapped |Emma for a fiver i want to be Margo from paper towns i forgot to write, sorry i guess math - boring, tech - boring, French - boring does he actually love me? i h

insight fiftysix they say it get better when you tell your parents about your mental health. a few days of realisation then a long road to being "normal". but with mine, it hasn't been like that. nothing like that at all. i am victimised and bullied by my own mother and stepfather, snarled at with snide comments and shouted at for just being a little sad. when simple things become a tiresome chore of social interaction with distant people that should hold you and tell you its going to be okay, but don't. your close bond with mother and daughter makes me envious, a laugh a hug a helping hand, nothing that i can get since i shouted the truth to her face i don't want to be here anymore you think im lying? that there's nothing wrong? that this is all for attention? why would i be sat by my bedroom door, sit from eating half my dinner before you verbally harass me with comments of invasion, wanting to know every small detail of my conversations with a friend. w