who i am.

insight fiftytwo                    enjoy a lil' memo i wrote whilst mid-breakdown own habits tapping me insane a prisoner within my own self my past guarding it shut inside tears slide for the torture of my own problems, failures, illness understanding? no i escape to any world with the boy who i love? cuddles with laughter, love? when sat on my sheets arm around waist though my tears slide he says hey, it'll be okay then he fades away and it's dark whilst im still sat on my sheets hey, it'll be okay voice cracking through lie hey, it'll be just fine i promise i'll be here for you he said but then he left phaha i dunno also, i got some of these blogs on a website thing... pretty cool... here they are... https://iam1in4.com/2017/09/effects-of-grief/ https://iam1in4.com/2017/09/a-toxic-relationship/ https://iam1in4.com/2017/09/feeling-empty-an-empty-poem/ https://iam1in4.com/2017/09/at-the-worst/ 👎

insight fiftyone i guess I just give in so many numb thoughts that day dream reality waving for attention for actions when in maths whilst numbers bore me but all I have to write is lines. smiling for the mother knowing I'm not who I am yet smiling for the daughter who zone's out to song which you don't listen close to zones out whilst singing those lines. straight into bed 9:27 when eyes drop low yet flicker open to the sound of rain flicker to watch the droplets race weaving to create the window lines. sickening feeling in stomach just a shiny thing placed in a shaking hand in which she wishes relief when carved words become tears but remembering doesn't help and relief doesn't come not like before before she started the lines. 🔇

insight fifty 2nd holiday... same old camera... daily writing... whilst in Gisburn, West Yorkshire... 28th August 2017 the art of a new day dawns pink wakening sun blue surprises spread within cloud grey headphones blast calm red top hanging down black thoughts settling in (well that was shit... shitty day) 29th August 2017 tomorrow i recognise every detail details one wants never showing all details details everyone always disguises (ooh secret message... ooh bad day) 30 th August 2017 crisp white sheets twisted round tired eyes squinting in the peeking sun from curtains closed flat white duvet welcomes and fluffy socks warm whilst howls hoot in trees (sleepy day...) 31 th August 2017 separated by emotion or by mental happiness it could be stability divide by a smile or a pair of tired eyes unfair rules without trust unfair happiness throughout the mind (more arguments... fuck sake) 1st