who i am.

insight seventythree May 28th - guarded strings i don't know how, but you did. you carved into my chest like a daisy's root into soil. the tender tears of slow devotion  that left a certain mark, or  scar in the place of my pulse. you managed to curve around my ribs so elegantly and unseen. as if the internal darkness shadowed your every move, every footstep as you reached out beyond the expanding breaths, further from the light of day. i let my guards down so easily their strong bones and large inhales parted for only your inspection. within a lengthy exhale, you meander  towards my heart strings, the vulnerable part of mine. maybe i know how you did it, a method so complex it took years to perfect. but as soon as disaster strikes, i feel your warmth within my heart, the beating place of daisy's; the scared place you call home. 

insight seventytwo i guess you could say it's the anniversary of my existence, my being here and breathing every so often. however no, it is not my birthday, but a year today was the day where my existence mattered very little to me. there were two of these days within the year that has passed. and maybe now i want to speak of them, the two chapters within the worst year that has changed me forever more. and maybe this is needed, in support of mental health awareness week <3 c hapter one, a shaken drink hands shaking i throw my phone to the pillows of my bed, bedroom door slamming behind my shoulders, legs collapsing heavily to the floor. that saddening lump of choked up tears builds in my throat until i finally snap, like a shattered of glass breaking into a million pieces all at once. i have had enough, i repeat into the wall as i cover it with sweet rivers of defeat flowing from my reddened eyes. reaching for the notepad that sits promptly against my chair, i scribble

insight seventyone how are you lucky? how am I lucky?  so. many. ways.  lucky. i am lucky because of the smaller things. the pop up messages of truth and care, even in the most messy-minded of times. the utter admiration that glows through my screen within the small phrases of uplifting joy, or the surprise paragraphs that make me beam with happiness. the sheer perfection of his personality astounds me, i can never understand how i can deserve such a wonderful person like him. being close to someone who has the power to render me happy and joyous within seconds is the most comfortable i can ever feel in my own skin. the outbursts of anger, sadness or anxiety are all calmed with his smile, his words or his voice. i feel safe. within who i am, within what i think or feel at any given moment. he is my weakness, and my strength. pulling me up when i need a hand, and making me melt at his fingertips, his smile the ultimate kryptonite. i guess you could say im lucky because my m