Who I am.

insight ninetyone We’re well into 2020. I have done a lot of reflecting over the last decade and a lot of looking at what is happening this year. Here are the things I’m taking away from this two week thought splurge: The decade of the 2010s I can’t fathom the amount of things that happened in the past 10 years. It’s been a whirlwind year of things that made and things that broke me as a person. So many achievements and amazing memories were made, and i look back and feel thankful for those times, those people. However some moments weren’t as hopeful, hurting me more as i delve deeper into those times. I’m beginning to accept them now; I’m starting to regard them not just as something that made but also something i cant get rid of, only deal with slowly. I am a partial believer in ‘everything happens for a reason’ and i use it to explain the friends, experiences and hardships that have been and gone; it helps me move on to a new time and a new head space. So i say to 2010 and al...

insight fiftyfive For 5 days of this week I travelled around Iceland, exploring and conquering fears whilst admiring the picturesque scenery. I also kept a diary and here it is... day one - 16.10.17 8am and the coach is packed, music blares from tangled headphones and happy children excite over the upcoming "fieldtrip" to the small cold country of Iceland. not caring about the lengthy travel ahead, she and i sang a duet from High School musical and consumed sugary delights to the point of a dancing high. Airport looming over head, the constant chatter and security guards made the mood less enjoyable. seated on the plane with a chicken wrap and coffee in hand, the houses disappeared into a satisfying cloudy mess that rose above any problems left behind. storm brewing behind, other flights are cancelled to areas affected, luckily we flew right into the cold winds of Iceland without any issues expect only finding the colouring books 10 minutes before landing. after a tire...

insight forty i hurt i ache all over. my limbs weary and dehydrated from the tears i cried in that empty yard behind the tall church, the horses staring in confusion. i spoke to you like you were there, telling you the recent events on school and the stress from exams. just like you were stood there in your skirt, knee high socks and pink pigtails. as if you were still breathing right in front of me. i tried to convince myself you are in heaven, a place in the clouds with your dad which sounds like a perfect fantasy. but i know you're just in a box underground, slowly decomposing in the sweet soil, bare bones from your small body left behind. the flashes of that reality hurt my eyes, make them blurry with the sadness. but still i talk, about the breaking of my relationship and the arguments between friends. i apologized again for everything i did wrong and told you about your dear friends state, the slow down fall of her emotions making me feel numb inside, making me want to ma...

insight thirtyone this is a very personal and diary like blog... enjoy? i went for a walk today. just a gentle stroll down the lake that lies underneath the swans and ducklings that swim in the afternoon sun. the gleaming heat making Trigger pant in exhaustion, the cars flying past making a much needed breeze. before reaching the lake something happened, just something i guess happens to few people but isn't seen in a way that would effect you, right? wrong , oh so very wrong. "hey girl nice tits" he shouted from behind the fence, overalls tied around his waist with his friend laughing and whistling as i walked. quickening my speed, i concentrate on my music and carry on. reaching the lake i smile and talk to other dog walkers that ask the breed, age and name of my puppy, the normal day to day "awh"s and "he's so cute"s. trying to push aside the thoughts in my clouded head, i take photos of the pretty daisies and tall green trees that lit...

insight twentyone Lucy. My angel up above. The sky is the limit for you. The best and most perfect girl that was chosen to join your dad. The girl that unknowingly meant so much to us. We, your friends miss you. Though we may not talk about you all the time, in our minds we are just avoiding crying over your untimely depart from earth. Now you've been placed beside your dad within nature, to be released into the clouds, like the balloons that stopped the hail from falling upon our tear stained sleeves. I still miss your small lips that formed a large smile each morning, even though you hadn't fell asleep until 2am. I still miss your quirky hair and the daily bus ride that I'd spend quickly glancing at your make up without you thinking I'm weird. The pain still remains within me. And I'm not sure it will ever fade. A longing for you, a internal crying for you; my best friend for 3 and a half years. You knew me but never judged me. And you let me know you ...