Who I am.

insight thirtyfour do you ever just not feel? inside your body, your mind feels empty. the numb, lifeless fingertips tracing along the temples of your skull, trying to rid of the headache that has come from feeling empty. thoughtless brain pulsing to your heart, slowing as your breath subsides, completely empty. the mirror reflection staring you down, the pupils so dead as if they had no existence obtained them in their sockets, as if the lungs and veins were entirely empty. thick blood lines trailing through the white just touching the dull grey iris, the sleepless exhaustion making you feel empty. the emotionless voice that disintegrates into a silent whisper, mute and alone but you're supposed to be happy, even when that happy is horribly empty. birds bicker and children argue, noises amplified by the hollowness of your skeleton, everything become an ache, your interior utterly empty. the knowing of homework piled beside your desk, but your body too tired to...

insight nineteen it's hard to explain depression to someone who doesn't suffer it. it's like a rucksack on your back, that is full of bricks, weighing you down and making you constantly feel empty and down. even when you sleep, you feel the bag, making it uncomfortable to sleep. sometimes it gets heavier, making some days worst that others. some people add bricks, making it worse for you to keep smiling throughout that day. sometimes suddenly you feel weak, and you cant smile, and the bricks push you down, further down into a vortex of unwanted thoughts and sadness. each day, i wish i could forget it all, but i cant. i feel my eyes become weary and i just want to curl up in bed and sleep, forget about my problems, expectations and issues inside my head. even sleep doesn't help, doesn't refresh me, doesn't help, just makes me more exhausted. the sleepless nights make me worse. why. why do i push everyone away, people who actually treat me right i push away,...