Who I am.

insight seventyfour prom day - 22/6/18 from sleeping till wake, my mind occupies the thoughts about prom, all those hours away but yet the excitement brews within me already. stretching off the interrupted slumber, busy feet rush around awaiting the school buses for their fresh souls to be taken upon. slowly i pull myself out of bed, wishing for a burst of energy but confronted by a chaotic day of getting ready for that final school gathering for all eternity - a slightly unsettling feeling. mixed emotions stare me in the face as i attempt to save my skin with cleansers and moisturisers in which do nothing to hide the grey circles around my blue eyes. throwing on some old tattered clothes, i eat as little as possible to aid a flatter stomach in my beautiful pink dress, a princess's gown awaiting my presence. sitting for hours in a small room filled with acrylic smells and organised shelves, i converse about my life like she is interested, a warm comforting feeling arising ...

insight seventythree May 28th - guarded strings i don't know how, but you did. you carved into my chest like a daisy's root into soil. the tender tears of slow devotion  that left a certain mark, or  scar in the place of my pulse. you managed to curve around my ribs so elegantly and unseen. as if the internal darkness shadowed your every move, every footstep as you reached out beyond the expanding breaths, further from the light of day. i let my guards down so easily their strong bones and large inhales parted for only your inspection. within a lengthy exhale, you meander  towards my heart strings, the vulnerable part of mine. maybe i know how you did it, a method so complex it took years to perfect. but as soon as disaster strikes, i feel your warmth within my heart, the beating place of daisy's; the scared place you call home. 

insight seventytwo i guess you could say it's the anniversary of my existence, my being here and breathing every so often. however no, it is not my birthday, but a year today was the day where my existence mattered very little to me. there were two of these days within the year that has passed. and maybe now i want to speak of them, the two chapters within the worst year that has changed me forever more. and maybe this is needed, in support of mental health awareness week <3 c hapter one, a shaken drink hands shaking i throw my phone to the pillows of my bed, bedroom door slamming behind my shoulders, legs collapsing heavily to the floor. that saddening lump of choked up tears builds in my throat until i finally snap, like a shattered of glass breaking into a million pieces all at once. i have had enough, i repeat into the wall as i cover it with sweet rivers of defeat flowing from my reddened eyes. reaching for the notepad that sits promptly against my chair, i scribble ...

insight seventyone how are you lucky? how am I lucky?  so. many. ways.  lucky. i am lucky because of the smaller things. the pop up messages of truth and care, even in the most messy-minded of times. the utter admiration that glows through my screen within the small phrases of uplifting joy, or the surprise paragraphs that make me beam with happiness. the sheer perfection of his personality astounds me, i can never understand how i can deserve such a wonderful person like him. being close to someone who has the power to render me happy and joyous within seconds is the most comfortable i can ever feel in my own skin. the outbursts of anger, sadness or anxiety are all calmed with his smile, his words or his voice. i feel safe. within who i am, within what i think or feel at any given moment. he is my weakness, and my strength. pulling me up when i need a hand, and making me melt at his fingertips, his smile the ultimate kryptonite. i guess you could say im lucky bec...

insight seventy delve deep into my thoughts and swim in the imaginary pools of wonders and worries. hands shaking, fingers twitching, legs jittering - the countdown remains small. the door sounds, a tall expected figure... wow he looks cute . settling my dancing heart rate, we laugh and smile until perfectly intertwined on the couch, Netflix buzzing in the background. his soft smelling hair leans comfortably on my shoulder, fingers locked in fingers, resisting the urge to tease one another. talking about past days and present memories, he pauses and smiles at me... and for a second or two I just admire those earthy eyes, natural wonders that soothe into my soul, yet creating an uplifted heartbeat that echoes throughout my chest... he is so pretty . legs side by side, I wrap my warm arms around his upper body, weaving my fingertips through his dusky brown hair, smooth waves of apple trees that fill my senses. his persistent mocking results in me lightly punching him in the arms, ...

insight sixtynine all written events are true and to factual correlation. dear him/you/whoever can relate to this, ... wrap your body around my brain for a while, and maybe you'll understand... a door closes shut, and i sigh, but not out of sorrow, well i guess you could say sadness from an escaping happiness driving down the street. i make my way back to my room, counting the steps as i go. thirteen. i fall back onto my bed, a huge smile growing on my face. his scent lies on my pillows and i hold one tight to my chest. i laugh, a small muffle because of my smitten obsession with these hours of fun. closing my eyes, i bite my lip, trying to rid of the smile that is everlasting throughout thoughts of only minutes ago, a feeling of want and need for those moments fills my gushing mind. its been a yellow day: amazing/very happy, i colour in my mood, and smile. the nerves i felt for this one day all fluttered away with the butterflies from my stomach. its astonishing, amazi...

insight sixtyeight it's like that feeling after a long holiday, wandering within the familiar walls and climbing into a familiar bed with the same household smells. a feeling of complete comfort within a home. but can you have this with a person? a sense of belonging from a smile, a touch or embrace? a warm sensation pulling your heart strings into a state of contentment though it is just the owner of a pair of earthy eyes that consume yours without resistance? maybe so. maybe its the feeling i have with a certain individual, a passionate tranquillity that creeps a smile upon my rosy cheeks when he doesn't even notice my inquisitive glaze upon his existence. such as a moment paused in time when you smiled up at me, when laying behind intertwined hands, eyes reflecting the evening sun within your bright complexion. maybe the clocks finally stopped, and i remain glancing at your every feature for a while longer, admiring each centimetre of your face with indented smile lines an...