9:59

insight seventy
delve deep into my thoughts and swim in the imaginary pools of wonders and worries.


hands shaking, fingers twitching, legs jittering - the countdown remains small. the door sounds, a tall expected figure... wow he looks cute. settling my dancing heart rate, we laugh and smile until perfectly intertwined on the couch, Netflix buzzing in the background. his soft smelling hair leans comfortably on my shoulder, fingers locked in fingers, resisting the urge to tease one another. talking about past days and present memories, he pauses and smiles at me... and for a second or two I just admire those earthy eyes, natural wonders that soothe into my soul, yet creating an uplifted heartbeat that echoes throughout my chest... he is so pretty. legs side by side, I wrap my warm arms around his upper body, weaving my fingertips through his dusky brown hair, smooth waves of apple trees that fill my senses. his persistent mocking results in me lightly punching him in the arms, only to be stopped by his large hands around mine, how could i be annoyed at him? our faces draw closer, a smile beaming in between his sweet cheeks, pupils widening to observe me closer. should I? our noses touch for brief moments, my chest beating fast to the swirl of my thoughts... him? him. he is all I wished for. forever getting close to each other's skin, I feel his lips upon mine and my stomach somersaults. is this really happening? I kiss him, gaining the confidence to fulfil a wish that has sat in my mind for weeks too long. I smile as I feel my cheeks changing into a pale shade of pink, radiating pure desire for his touch, pure contentment within his presence. his shy eyes dart away, face hidden in my wrinkled jumper, rosy cheeks blooming with a wide smile shining. sparklers hiss in my head, bright colours booming in fiery explosions, the eruptive happiness that fills this entire room emits from our friendship, relationship, a closeness that brings the time together alive. what am I doing? through episodes of our favourite show, we lay in comfort, nearer than two cherries in a pair... why did I let myself love someone this deeply? a simple message brings these blissful hours to an end, and his arms wrap around me as if to ease my sadness to be alone. I reach up on my tiptoes, barely reaching his height by inches, but still close enough to feel his warm lips again, my source of complete serenity in every moment in time. his smile speaks a thousand words before holding me tighter one last time, his heart beating gently against me. it has always been him, but should I admit that? a slow departure tears through this silent home as I wander up to my safe haven filled with books and blankets. falling face down on the soft sheets, I laugh at my broad smile, questioning every moment of my actions, worrying that I may have been out of line or normality for even a split second. I miss him already. sitting down in a cold chair, I begin to write notes for tests not so far away, but my focus is drawn to the lover on my phone - missing me already - time too fast for us. us? glancing at my rosy cheeks, everything feels a level kind of sane, a continuous kind of calm and an infinite kind of happy. 

how can one person bring so much joy to my simple life? nothing more than movies and snacks, and here I am with a permanent smile forging itself into my memories as some of the most perfect hours of my entire existence. a crush who aids my hearts recovery from shattered pain not so long ago. I know now, I feel it. the butterflies settling in my heart, awaiting him to awaken them again, for their fluttering nerves to fill my body with calm joy and tranquil peace. I now know, I feel it. do I dare admit it? the deep affection I behold upon my lips that anticipates his arrival? admit the genuine feelings I contain? the masses of thoughts that flood my brain? do I dare?

maybe. maybe I do.

thank you to the boy who made this all happen :)