8:23


insight fortyone
perfection noun
 - the state or quality of being perfect.
 - a person or thing considered to be perfect.

sun gleaming down on the cool forest leaves, i walk fast paced down the grass empty path, music blaring through my headphones to block out the cars, to block out everything. looking upon to the painted peeled pub i start towards to busy road that leaves my hair blowing the way they race, pausing my music as the chorus starts to sing "It's in the stars, it's been written in the scars in our hearts. We're not broken just bent, and...". evening dawning i kick the gravel below my denim converse shoes and head towards my silent haven, my quiet get away from all the noisy arguments and texts from a lost lover, my way of getting rid of everything. easing my music volume, i greet the open water with a deep breath of fresh air and a smile, not a human nor dog in sight, just the vast amount of geese that sit on the soft water gliding to the beat of my "But darling just kiss me slow, your heart is...". plants swaying in the wind, i run up a steep hill that over looks the entirety of the lake, a nice spot to watch the sun set behind the roof tops, a beautiful sight that makes life seem not so pointless. lifting my coat upon the wooden bench, i silently sit and watch the geese and ducklings peck at the bread crumbed floor, forgetting to turn on the slow song that i was crying to. empty sounds fill the waters as i lean back in my seat, placing one headphone in and listening to another song that reminds me of you, another song that makes my heart yearn for you "Find the place I love the most, where the fields are green. to see you once again, my..." my love, my saviour, my... Sights of us walking together fade onto the trail in the horizon, hand in hand as we laugh at your funny rock throwing poses, things that we did without a care, no matter how stupid. song blurring in the chirping of the birds my eyes fill with tears for him, them photos filled with smiling flashing in the my memory, making me hate myself even more for ruining everything i was happy for, everything i wanted, everything i wanted in my life.

a single water stain trails my cheek as i pull on my coat in the cold night and turn up my music to blast out the ideas of stupid happiness and stupid lov-"I'm bleeding out, said if the last thing that I do, is to bring you down, i...". nearly tripping into the mud, i spin round the beach line in the sheer happiness from a song, dancing without a single pair of eyes watching me, nothing but cheer and beautiful singing to give. dodging the rain drops i say a final goodbye to the birds and head off in the direction of darkness, hoping that the clear, light sky will keep up.

insomnia noun
- habitual sleeplessness; inability to sleep.

light draw closed in my room i clamber into bed and say a sweet sleep well to that cute face of happiness, even though i know i will not sleep until the early hours of tomorrow; just let me rest, please? i wrack my tired brain for certain thoughts that dip me into the darkest abyss of sadness, though they give me the subtle smile that begs me not to think further; don't do this to yourself, don't. face close to mine your warm arms wrap around my bare torso, stomach hot on my back, happy at knowing that i am the one you love. each slow breath of you lungs breezes through my hair as you sleep, my body relaxed and painless which is a miracle to me. life draining from my eyes, i stare at the clock to clear my heads of those stupid imaginations, craving the songs to empty my brain "No other way to say, I need you every day, and now I'm...". easy as sand through your fingers, time travels by at the speed of light, the midnight bell ringing loud in my head, sleep beckoning its bony hand into a fake handshake, i will not... i can not. sliding out of bed i grab my phone and sit in the corner of my room, panic of dark figures flashing in my vision making my heart pound in my broken chest... they're not there Sophie, there's nothing alive here. sufficient and refreshing sleep reaches all the members of this household as i remain in that corner for a further hour, exhaustion taking a physical sickening feeling, my mind going to mush in the now subtly lit room, thoughts of pointless existence and plans in my head now making me realise i've already suffered for too long

☺

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