6:06


insight fortynine
9:12am
today is the day
the day i make myself proud
the day i do something
that will change a lot of things
for the better... maybe
1:03pm
an hour until i have to go
until i have to lie
until i have to walk
until i face my anxious fears
2:06pm
out the door with music loud
forest muddy but warm air circles
under the road, over the bridge
past the pub and the noisy bikers
and still i shake like a maraca
2:38pm
with a shaky voice and nervous leg twitch
i sit on the surprising comfy seats
staring out the window at the corner indian opposite
Africa by Toto plays on the radio
a comfort reminding of my dad's terrible singing
2:42pm
old people sat in the front
one chewing on a humbug
i wonder why do elders obsess over mints
when my game of colour switch gets boring
2:45pm
cute boy walks in
ripped black jeans and cheeky smile
he sits in front of me
on the back row seats
glancing back at me
as i stare out the window
2:52pm
cute boy talks to the receptionist
a dog bite to a pair of new jeans
ruins his week apparently
cute laugh and good social skills
opposite of me, i think
3:02pm
my appointment time is +2 minutes
i guess their busy
my heart pounds in my chest
stomach churns my lunch into knots
Sophie calm down
3:07pm
shaking my leg with nervousness
glancing at the boy again
shaking his leg too
shared looks
he's cute
3:09pm
"Sophie?"
oh shit
3:35pm
out of the room
just a little wait
i am proud
i am okay
and i will be more okay
3:39pm
i tap my leg with nerves
maybe its a nervous habit
im tired now
nap in need
wait i don't nap
shut up
cute boys gone now
a few people fill the waiting room
a few staring faces as i sit there
young and alone
3:48pm
walking home with music blaring
breeze cooling my flustered face
another appointment slipped into my phone case
now to lie about my whereabouts
and sort the worries that make my hands shake
5:48pm
rereading the messages i wrote in my notes
typing them up for a silly blog
but im proud
and maybe even happy...
nah who am i kidding?!

🏥

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