Who I am.

insight thirtytwo you wanna know why I always say goodnight, sleep well, I love you  when you don't reply.  it's because if something happens  to me when the skies are dark  and the world is silent  and I disappear from you  I've told you the truth and something I'd want you to remember  and I'd know  if something  happened to you.  you would have know the truth  and I would of told you what  I really mean  something that will never ever  change; the fact that  I love you more than anything  more than infinite money  because money can't buy you happiness  you give me happiness  us gives me something to live for  something to hold onto  so thank you and goodnight, sleep well I love you  👽

insight thirtyone this is a very personal and diary like blog... enjoy? i went for a walk today. just a gentle stroll down the lake that lies underneath the swans and ducklings that swim in the afternoon sun. the gleaming heat making Trigger pant in exhaustion, the cars flying past making a much needed breeze. before reaching the lake something happened, just something i guess happens to few people but isn't seen in a way that would effect you, right? wrong , oh so very wrong. "hey girl nice tits" he shouted from behind the fence, overalls tied around his waist with his friend laughing and whistling as i walked. quickening my speed, i concentrate on my music and carry on. reaching the lake i smile and talk to other dog walkers that ask the breed, age and name of my puppy, the normal day to day "awh"s and "he's so cute"s. trying to push aside the thoughts in my clouded head, i take photos of the pretty daisies and tall green trees that lit...

insight thirty i stare at the gloomy reflection on my wall, the tired under-eyes growing dark with fatigue, messy hair shoved up in a half-hearted bun, not even attempting to reach on the desk for my brush. want, desire, need; the longing for that one close hug that would lift every cloud that covers my happiness, that one scent of love that can send me into an uncontrollable high of calm and emotion - feeling something other than sadness. nothing happened, just the blissful silence of a plane soaring through the sky, just the slow crinkle of my bed sheet as i let my arms go limp, still holding onto the corners i was ruffling.  more tears run down my pale cheeks as all the built up misery bursts out into the open privacy of my bedroom, no reason just the constant weight of melancholy grief that remains, making every day the same. than me, every other person had it worse - is that what makes my thoughts so unwanted and repetit...

insight twentynine love letter noun a letter expressing romantic love for the recipient at midnight, tonight or this morning, i have decided to revisit a frequent topic that arises on my blog, simply because i wish to make him smile after I've ruined things... again. and so, after much googling and notes... here's the final product...

insight twentyeight Shakespeare's love by me. night drew dark as the wind whistles blew cold creeping under the covers of her bed staring at pixelated images of a girl she once knew now that girl is the reflection who wishes her dead pillow gripped near as the scent whispers calm the sweet tear from closed eyes role down bright visions of him lying left of her arm the throat crushing pain of wanting him around blood rivers weaving through the path of her sight ceiling caves into sadness that does consume one desired wish for him could set her right the intertwined happiness in one lonely bedroom ache of love strikes that heart too hard her mind wishing she was under the graveyard 👽

insight twentyseven "you seem quiet today" why do you take such concern when i show a glimpse of what i feel like? "have you fallen out with someone?" just because i have paragraphs of writing upon my phone screen does not mean an argument, im getting help from a friend, about things a should talk to a professional about. "have you had lunch?" you know im going to say yes, even when my stomach is churning air. "what's up?" everything. 👽

insight twentysix dear best friend, you are perfect and everything that you are and were is perfect. your face with the dot to dot freckles and the grey blue eyes that are hidden behind your black glasses. your ginger hair with the blonde streaks, cut short and cute like a little apricot. your tiny cold hands that I can intertwine my fingers within and warm the palms of. your smile that brightens up my day and makes me smile with the little dimples that appear. your laugh that is so contagious we normally sit in a fit, looking strange but i just don't care. because I'm with you. your nature, how you think and how you are. your caring words that comfort me and your constant presence within arms reach makes me feel less alone, like I have someone there for me finally. someone as amazing as you. your love for me is so appreciated and I cannot find a word to place on the amount of gratitude I have for you. your openness with who you are makes me jealous of how confiden...