9:30


insight seventynine
A few small poems recovered from the notes in my phone - 
jumper
a burgundy hood hides my messy hair
ties ravelled within it
the sleeves too long for my arms
like little mittens covering my hands
just my finger tips showing proud

deeper into the woven material is a boy
a tall handsome man with a piercing smile
bright eyes and a smart mind
he being one of few things i hold close to my heart
and by close i mean within it
a boy who fought to be there

a scent of him throws me off tracks
my mind wishing it to be a hug
from his long arms fitting into these
long sleeves - wrapping them around me
a smell that i cant unrecognize 
subtle reminding of who i have near

smiling before the glazed surface
my rosy cheeks staring back at me
hiding the lines from smiles around my mouth
with the oversized phenomenon that is this jacket
this hoodie that represents so much more than just warmth
also him, and love, and happy times within it
    - but after all, it is only a jumper

switch
on, the words of pain
off, the tears when someone is there
on, the smile to a strange face
off, the past and present honesty
on, a small meal of single fruit
off, appetite to eat anything but nothing
on, my love for those i hold dear
off, disproval from him though i try everything
on, one mark or two never hurt someone
off, the new me or the good me
on, old habits and cursed thoughts
off, care for myself, reckless self destruction

like a switch i flick between me and me
the two personas that i thrive upon
the two sides of my face you wish to see
one shown, one hidden deep to lock
lock away from the light and those i wish to love
on, off, on, off, off, off

invisible
do you ever just want to be invisible?
because everything around you tells you not to exist?
everyone around you makes you feel like not existing?
things you do not being good enough?
trying your hardest and smiling to show you're tough?
living too loud and being turned down to invisible?

invisible is something i want to be
hide the pain i try to mask by laughter
run away from those situations i fear
observe the people i love and cherish
but mourn the fact i can't show myself

a perfect place is an invisible world
one where i can be with past loved ones and present
reaching their spirits to say goodbye
or i'll see you soon

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