9:29


insight twelve
I miss you. I miss you when I'm standing alone listening to my music at the bus stop. I miss you when we are in the field. I miss you in Maths with my bumpy ruler. I miss you sending me Korean memes. I miss the holding hands, your small little hands. I miss everything that I could've said to you.

I miss me. I miss the old me. I miss the happiness and the no worries. I miss the wanting to live or having the effort to. I miss sleeping, looking in the mirror and enjoying what I saw. I miss being so indulged in school that I don't need to worry about my grades. I miss being a person that I enjoyed. I miss having perfect skin and unscared limbs. I miss being someone I knew someone could love.

I would miss you if you left. I would miss the laugh. I would miss the YouTube references you made. I would miss the random chats. I would miss the cute nicknames. I would miss the Trust we had. I would miss you. I don't want to miss you.

I miss us. I miss the way I was happy. What happened? What has happened to me? I'm screaming these words as I rock back and forth. Tearing my hair out, going insane. What happened to the happiness that I grasped onto. What happened to me, now I have to smile and be so fake even barbie can compete. What changed me so that I can't bear to live a second longer? What made me feel so distant  from the people closest to me. I miss the happiness that I had, the little bit I had. I miss the old me.

I miss a lot of things.

(I don't expect you to understand, but that's okay. I don't understand it either)

👽

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