9:29


insight twelve
I miss you. I miss you when I'm standing alone listening to my music at the bus stop. I miss you when we are in the field. I miss you in Maths with my bumpy ruler. I miss you sending me Korean memes. I miss the holding hands, your small little hands. I miss everything that I could've said to you.

I miss me. I miss the old me. I miss the happiness and the no worries. I miss the wanting to live or having the effort to. I miss sleeping, looking in the mirror and enjoying what I saw. I miss being so indulged in school that I don't need to worry about my grades. I miss being a person that I enjoyed. I miss having perfect skin and unscared limbs. I miss being someone I knew someone could love.

I would miss you if you left. I would miss the laugh. I would miss the YouTube references you made. I would miss the random chats. I would miss the cute nicknames. I would miss the Trust we had. I would miss you. I don't want to miss you.

I miss us. I miss the way I was happy. What happened? What has happened to me? I'm screaming these words as I rock back and forth. Tearing my hair out, going insane. What happened to the happiness that I grasped onto. What happened to me, now I have to smile and be so fake even barbie can compete. What changed me so that I can't bear to live a second longer? What made me feel so distant  from the people closest to me. I miss the happiness that I had, the little bit I had. I miss the old me.

I miss a lot of things.

(I don't expect you to understand, but that's okay. I don't understand it either)

👽

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

10:30

insight seventyeight a bit of a different account today -  i wrote a report on racism and material deprivation and how it influences the education of ethnic minorities.  i thought it pretty good, and interesting. enjoy :)) Rights or racism? Are we subconsciously excluding ethnic minorities? Well the answer is simply yes! All research points to the mind-set of a discriminative society that segregates ethnic minorities potentially without even realising it. But is it a shock? Not necessarily. Seeing political battles and hate crimes on the news each day makes us immune and almost blind to the severity of worldwide racism and negative judgement that disrupts ethnic minorities’ lives on a daily basis. A shocking unseen divide between races in society is uncovered within the accommodation and living conditions of these ethnic minorities. According to Guy Palmer (2012), almost ½ of all ethnic minority children live in low income households, as against ¼ of white c
Read more

5:26

insight fiftythree there's a lot of things going on right now. in my head i mean. my life isn't a lot of things, very slow motion rain and black a white music. ... let me set the scene... a candle flickers beside me, close enough so i can feel the heat but not burning my hair black. music rings through my headphones, Supermarket flowers singing my emotions in a comforting sort of way. my phone to the right of my laptop flashes with a notification from a heart breaker, whom for some reason wants to communicate with me. to my left is the rain, trickling slowly down my window, blurring the clouds and bricks together, a typical English autumn day. I've been watching this series, Doctor Foster on BBC. the final episode touched my heart, in a eye opening way. the parents of a young boy, Tom, were fighting and he went through an emotional turmoil of negative feelings. they didn't notice. but i did. i know it's all made up, but i noticed. the pale skin, the sleepless
Read more

9:38

insight sixtyone i guess you don't really understand your dependence, love and reliance on a person until you're apart. the strength of the bond that you need physically yet it's something you take for granted until it's no longer visible. Day to day laughs that are your medicine from the dark, smiles for just seconds that brighten the doomed thoughts. Just a few days, it's less than a week; why should I be bothered? maybe because without you around I feel lost within myself, or the daunting fact that we are two as one but apart, we long to be in each other's company. but it's only a few days right? wrong. mentally, emotionally, I realise how much I lean on you, even if it's not noticeable, to you, to anyone. maybe that's the only reason I like to spend 6 hours of exhausting boredom, because I know I will smile with you for all those seconds I desire. maybe you're a drug, a dose of happiness that no one nor nothing can replace. in the worst of
Read more