8:17


insight ninetyone
We’re well into 2020. I have done a lot of reflecting over the last decade and a lot of looking at what is happening this year. Here are the things I’m taking away from this two week thought splurge:

The decade of the 2010s
I can’t fathom the amount of things that happened in the past 10 years. It’s been a whirlwind year of things that made and things that broke me as a person. So many achievements and amazing memories were made, and i look back and feel thankful for those times, those people. However some moments weren’t as hopeful, hurting me more as i delve deeper into those times. I’m beginning to accept them now; I’m starting to regard them not just as something that made but also something i cant get rid of, only deal with slowly. I am a partial believer in ‘everything happens for a reason’ and i use it to explain the friends, experiences and hardships that have been and gone; it helps me move on to a new time and a new head space.

So i say to 2010 and all the years to follow, thank you for your time and life lessons but I’m ready for something new.

The here and now
This year is going to be one of the most progressive years yet. In less than 5 months i leave compulsory schooling and I finish my A levels. In just over 8 months i leave my home to go to university and live amongst new people with an close friend - but i leave some many i love behind. In just over 5 months i go on my first lone holiday with my best friend; a short break from what is going to be a crazy summer. And in less than 8 months, i’ll be 19, ever closer to 20, which is insane to think i am going to be that old and still have no idea how to do this thing called life.

Recently, I have projected my positive energy and ‘2020 vibes’ onto everyone i know, because why should this year be as shitty as the past. It’s a new year, a new decade, a new haircut - it’s the way i am getting my fresh start and starting it right. I’m tired of the bullshit, the excuses, the unnecessary complications and the negativity that people surround themselves with - me included in said people. It’s time to do something about it, to change and be proactive about improving myself, yourself, anyone’s-self into the person i/you/they want to be. This is my year, and i keep telling myself that even when i feel low. I want to grab every chance, take control of what I’m doing and put me first. I want to do things for me that will make me feel better, happier and healthier, and lord knows I’m doing it. Despite anything that happens, i am hurtling at all challenges with full focus and motivation - no matter the mood or day of the week. Monday is now my-day!

Reading back over Insights makes everything seem so real again, but it also shows a progression and thats all been building up to this year. And now its here, I embrace it. A down day, a cheat day, a netflix in bed day here and there wont hurt me, but from the next day i treat it as a new one.

The roaring 20s
To think in 2030 I’m going to be 28/29 is insane; it fills me with so many questions as to what ill be doing and where i will be. The next 10 years is going to be the decade of me. Everything is in my hands and the choices are my own - what ill do at uni, who ill be in a relationship with, where i will live in my second year, why i will be doing well or not so well in my coursework. I think placing you at the responsibility for your own choices, experiences, downfalls and achievements really helps put a perspective on things i have would have before - a little ‘own up’ to that bad habit didnt hurt anyone.  It’s all my choice, and that is a scary thought, it sends me into an existential pool of doom for hours but i know i can figure it out. I know i can take everything as it come and reach where i want to.

I’m going to go far and make a difference in people’s lives; I’m going to have a job where i can make people love themselves, be content in their own lives and come from a dark place with a smile and a spring in their step. I will be one extra person to help lessen a waiting list for counselling or CBT and i will do that for the people who need it most. I am focused on that ambition, and that wont leave me.

To the next years in this decade, i speak openly and honestly when i say “this is my time, my years and i will win it.”

(I write this all with honesty and also to look back in 5 years time and see if this PMA continues!) :))

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