11:39


insight fortythree
it's just a like, just a double tap on a pretty girl.
if that's all it is, why do I care so much?
why do I tear out my mind and flash back to the time you brushed my hair in the mirror, smiling when I blushed?
why do I see us sitting laughing in the conservatory, you clinging to my arm in a side on hug?
why do I feel a pinch of pain when I pass you in the corridor and you act like I'm just another stranger?
why do I smile when you laugh or smile, when your name pops up on my phone just for "streaks"?
why do I feel like i do e
why do i even try to make conversation and be nice when I know you hate my existence?

well, I guess I don't blame you.

I can't delete the photos.
I can't erase the memories.
I can't fade the love inside of me that makes me sob silently in bed over someone who probably never liked me.
I can't not love that smile, or that laugh.
I can't miss you in the crowd because I can always recognize your stance or walk.
I can't beat the thoughts and flash back away.
I just can't forget how much happiness was brought to my life when you stepped into it.
I can't imagine any other boymaking me that smiley to the point where my jaw ached.
I can't stop these feelings even though you don't ever wanna look at my fat ugly face again.
I can't help it.

I wish I wasn't so goddam attached.
I fuckin suck at feelings.
I fuckin hate how much I like you.
it's ripping me apart inside.

don't you understand that?

🙍🏼

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